Starting with BDSM? Here’s what you need to know

The abbreviation “BDSM” is a portmanteau for “Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism”.  The rush of power and the feeling of powerlessness are both appealing to couples.

For most couples that do practice BDSM, one spouse chooses to be dominant while the other prefers to be submissive. Couples may switch roles on occasion.

Do not immediately resort to handcuffs or ropes, instead, try tying silk scarves around each other and using one as a blindfold.

Are you thinking of exploring BDSM? Here are a few things you need to know to help you get started.

Be open minded

BDSM is widely misunderstood by a lot of people. Unfortunately, sometimes it is not rightly portrayed in movies as it can be shown from an extreme angle. Be willing to learn about BDSM with an open mind if you are going to get the best out of it.

Start with your fantasy

When you think of sex, what do you want to do to your partner, what do you want to be done to you? This is a good place to start. Start with your fantasy, it does not have to be “fifty shades grey or free”, it could be a simple blindfold or role play.

Talk to your partner

BDSM is not just about you. Talk it through with your partner and make sure they are comfortable with it. It is not fun if it is forced (Except the “force” is the role play or fantasy you both agree on). Carry your partner along. Make sure they are fine and enjoying every step of the way

Set Boundaries

During the act, make sure you keep talking to your partner and know how they are feeling. If they are still into it. You can have a safe word, and when one party says it, the other is bound to stop. The goal of BDSM at the end of the day is the ultimate pleasure and not torture. It’s not pleasurable if one partner wants out.

Go shopping together

Since BDSM would involve you and your partner, it is a good idea for you both to go shopping for the sex toys you want to use. Whether they are submissive or dominant, carrying your partner along, gives a sense of involvement. You are both treading on new grounds and no one should feel left behind. If you’re uncomfortable going in person to an adult shop, there’s a large number of online stores you can check out from the comfort of your home.

After Care

Make sure you talk to your partner after the sex. Following a strong sexual session, aftercare in the BDSM world refers to physical and mental consolation or attention shared between partners. It could be as simple as bringing your companion a drink of water, a snack, or some kind words.

Wrap Up

Physical pain may be involved in some BDSM practices, such as whipping or flogging, although that isn’t the point.

It’s nice, it’s sexual, and both partners may enjoy it.

And just because you like BDSM doesn’t imply you’ve been “damaged.” Anyone can be interested in BDSM, regardless of their sexual history. It doesn’t imply that you’ve been sexually abused or that something is “wrong” with you.